<!DOCTYPE html>
<html>
<head>
<meta charset="UTF-8">
<title>let me make a thing of cream and stars by vulpines</title>
<style type="text/css">

body { background-color: #ffffff; }
.CI {
text-align:center;
margin-top:0px;
margin-bottom:0px;
padding:0px;
}
.center   {text-align: center;}
.cover    {text-align: center;}
.full     {width: 100%; }
.quarter  {width: 25%; }
.smcap    {font-variant: small-caps;}
.u        {text-decoration: underline;}
.bold     {font-weight: bold;}
</style>
</head>
<body>
<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24807457">let me make a thing of cream and stars</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/vulpines/pseuds/vulpines'>vulpines</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy, Star Wars: Bloodline - Claudia Gray, Star Wars: The Rise of Kylo Ren (Comics)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>(but very minor and not the focus), (somewhat?), Angst with a Happy Ending, Canon Compliant (for the most part), Dysfunctional Family, Family Feels, Fix-It of Sorts, Gen, Mentions of Myth &amp; Folklore, Minor Leia Organa/Han Solo, Motherhood, Parent-Child Relationship, Post-Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker, Pre-Star Wars: The Force Awakens, Reylo is implied, TROS? I don't know her, in this house we say HOUSE ORGANA RIGHTS</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-06-19</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-06-19</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-04 01:34:03</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>3,608</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24807457</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/vulpines/pseuds/vulpines</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>A long time ago…in a galaxy far, far away…there was a woman who was a princess-rebel-senator-mother, and she had to send her only son away. She was fierce yet frightened, an expert in the ways of politics but untrained in the ways of the Force. All she hoped for him was to be fierce and gentle and strong, echoing the parents she had lost. And although she loved him with the bright consuming power of a sun, the dark’s patience is infinite.</p><p>And so she prayed: by the blood of Alderaan, Grimtaash keep him safe.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Leia Organa &amp; Ben Solo, Leia Organa &amp; Ben Solo | Kylo Ren</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>50</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>90</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Collections:</b></td><td>Reylo Hidden Gems</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>let me make a thing of cream and stars</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Basically, I played myself with my own sad tweet: https://twitter.com/maha_ranis/status/1273336299106205698?s=20.<br/>--&gt; the fact that Grimtaash was a figure to protect Alderaan's royal family...did young Ben name his ship that himself or was it a gift, given lovingly by Leia in an attempt to convey how much she wished to keep her only son safe even if she thought that meant sending him away?</p><p>Just been thinking a lot about Ben &amp; Leia and how I wish we had more content about them.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>
        
    </span></p><p> </p><p>
  <em>A long time ago…in a galaxy far, far away…there was a woman who was a <strike>princess</strike> <strike>rebel</strike> <strike>senator</strike> mother, and she had to send her only son away. She was fierce yet frightened, an expert in the ways of politics but untrained in the ways of the Force. All she hoped for him was to be fierce and gentle and strong, echoing the parents she had lost. And although she loved him with the bright consuming power of a sun, the dark’s patience is infinite.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>And so she prayed: by the blood of Alderaan, Grimtaash keep him safe. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>=======</p><p> </p><p>Her son is sixteen now and the part of Leia who will always see him as that soft dark haired bundle nursing at her breast is blindsided.</p><p>(<em>Please, mom,</em> he’d whispered years ago against that same breast, newly ten and shedding the attempted big boy persona. <em>I don’t wanna go, I wanna stay with you and dad and Threepio, Uncle Luke can visit me here or I can visit him during holidays please please please…</em>)</p><p>Han greets Luke with a hug first, slapping each other on the back in a half-hug the way men tend to do as Chewbacca waits his turn, growling excitedly. Leia lets herself take it all in (her family, the one she made and the only one she has left, together again at last), before settling on Ben, making his way cautiously down the gangway from the ship.</p><p>He’s changed since the last time she saw him in person (<em>too long</em>, a voice that sounds suspiciously like Queen Breha Organa sighs in her own head). That was three years ago, for his thirteenth birthday when she &amp; Han had surprised him by meeting him on Naboo for a short lakeside trip. He’d been just on the cusp of puberty then, a touch sullen at his voice cracking but eventually happy enough for the undivided attention &amp; lake country sun.</p><p>Now, Ben appears simultaneously familiar and foreign; it’s like looking into a trick mirror, seeing herself at odd angles in the edge of his jaw and depths of his eyes and then turning one way &amp; seeing Han in another. (There’s always been a bit of Luke there too, in his old childish enthusiasm and curiosity about the world beyond. And Leia hopes, through her, maybe even a sprinkling of Alderaan too. )</p><p>He’s grown a bit more into his looks, muscles starting to fill out somewhat although that lanky teenage awkwardness remains. Seeing him in the flesh makes Leia’s heart swell; as much as she’s good at compartmentalizing &amp; convincing herself that technology allows for decent enough communication, she longs to hold her boy in her arms.</p><p>Ben…allows himself to be held; gone is the eager child who believed her &amp; Han could hang the moon. She tells herself it’s a teenage thing. First by his father, as Luke comes around to greet her, dryly groaning at whatever joke Han attempts at making whilst patting his shoulder. He softens a bit more with Chewie, Leia feeling relief at spotting some of the wariness dissipating off his posture into something more easy and comfortable.</p><p>But when he gets to her, lips suddenly a bit more pursed and back straight (<em>there’s the little prince</em>, a voice that should’ve been Bail emerges fondly) in an attempt to please her, now Leia sees the Jedi padawan, the senator’s son feigning poise.</p><p>
  <em>But I know you, Ben, I’m your mom.</em>
</p><p>She doesn’t stop herself from reaching up and pulling him into her arms, trying to infuse as much love and pride into her physical touch and the Force surrounding them in hopes of chasing away those clouds that seem to grow bigger in his own energy each time she sees him. Both Luke and Ben have said that her Force presence feels like a sun, and so she tests her limits as hardest to make sure he feels as much of the brightness she attempts to convey.</p><p>At last, her son thaws just a little bit and Leia allows herself one last squeeze before pushing him away to brush his lengthening hair away from his face and make a fuss over how tall he’s become (as is every mother’s prerogative).</p><p>Luke stays for two nights before heading back to the rest of his students at the Temple in an old X-Wing (after half-hearted arguments over upgrading to a new ship). Ben stays for the whole week, and Leia initially sets purposeful reminders to stop herself from checking messages (of which there are countless) from her work. If she can keep the part of her that is (&amp; always will be) a mother away while she’s focused on the Senate, then she can give Ben the same benefit while doing the opposite.</p><p>Her son is still an excellent flier, a decent enough mechanic in a pinch, &amp; a sharp opponent in dejarik. He’ll never be a great orator or politician; try as he might, his face gives too much away to be the kind of cold cutthroat a senator or ruler would need to be in circumstances. She can tell, after years punctuated by tantrums and nightmares, that he tries his best now to reign himself in; he goes off to meditate every morning by the lake outside their home in Chandrila. But his cooking is surprisingly better, due to Luke insisting on his students taking turns with meal preparation each night. He’s so many contradictions, her son, but Leia loves digesting and discovering each aspect she’s learned as she lays in bed each night in the dark.</p><p> </p><p>As always, Ben remains extremely strong with the Force. It radiates from him, light and dark both, leaning heavily one way or another depending on his mood (which can shift so suddenly).</p><p>(<em>We all have it, </em>Luke had told her years ago and still maintains. And yet, a mother’s worry never truly abates.)</p><p>Ben…is not the same boy she sent away at ten years old, or even the boy she saw in between at ages eleven and thirteen. In so many ways, she doesn’t know him. Yes, they talk often enough while he’s been away (&amp; she gets updates from her brother as well), but there’s a difference between knowing things about someone from afar versus knowing someone inside &amp; out.</p><p>(“Aw hell, Leia, he’s just a teenager! You didn’t think he was gonna stay that same little boy running after butterflies forever did ya?” says Han one night in bed, but she can see a little bit of nostalgia underneath her husband’s bravado.)</p><p>Leia misses the closeness they once had when he was younger, even while loving the adolescent he’s become. She tries to ask him about Tai and Voe, at least two of the students (friends?) from the Temple who she definitely knows by name. Han teases Ben about the latter, assuming their Temple rivalry echoes a bit of their own romantic &amp; marital relationship, but Ben grows disgruntled and defensive, shutting him down. (Leia guesses, based on the softer and more frequent mentions of the former, that Tai seems more the type to be someone her son nurtures a soft flame for, but she keeps her hope quiet.)</p><p>On the second to last night that Ben will be with them (for now, she prays), Leia tosses and turns in bed. She can feel in the Force that he’s awake, sleep not coming for either of them while Han sleeps dead to the world and Chewie snores in the guest room. She makes her way down to the lakeside, reaching out, trembling, as Luke had once taught her. Ben’s presence is murky but strong; he reaches back, lending her a more powerful energy and helping her along. A good sign, at least, she thinks.</p><p>Han’s normally been the fun parent in their family dynamic; how could a politician compete with an ex-smuggler and daredevil pilot? But Leia had her own separate things with Ben when he was younger – story time in the evenings before bed, shared eye-rolls over the latest mishap with Threepio, helping him weave hair into braids (one for prosperity, another for protection, and the last to mark her boy as a member of the Alderaanian Elder Houses).</p><p>She doesn’t touch him, at first, when she reaches the figure posing at the edge of the lake. “I’ve got something to show you,” She says conspiratorially, gesturing with a jerk of her head to a part of the property housing a garage. The Falcon’s been parked outside, while Han &amp; Ben worked on some repairs during the past week, so she’s been able to hide what’s inside and hopes it’ll still be a surprise.</p><p>The look on her son’s face when he sees the brand new starship, carries a hint of that old toddler wonder at seeing the crystal butterflies once upon a time. A part of Leia’s heart clenches; he’ll always be her baby, even now that he’s half on the verge of manhood.</p><p>“Is this…for me?” Ben asks, awestruck yet in semi-disbelief. Leia grins back and nods, before they make their way up the entrance to take a look inside. She and Han had debated obviously on the kind of ship to settle on (her hoping for something safe &amp; reliable, not too large for a teenager; Han obviously getting trigger happy and taking a look at the more snazzier options that any young hot-blooded pilot would want), before they managed to find something in between that was a mix of both their criteria. <em>Just like Ben</em>, Han joked.</p><p>Ben’s still somewhere between happy and shocked, but when they get to the cockpit she hears an honest-to-god laugh burst out of him. The energy around them fills entirely with light, for the first time in a long time, and suddenly it’s as though whatever distance between them disappears.</p><p>“Thanks Mom!” he grins, freely pulling her into a hug and nearly picking her off the ground.</p><p>“Ben Organa Solo!!” Leia feigns chastisement, too happy to honestly care. “Put me down! Kriff, when did you get so big?” They both laugh at that, her son’s ears going a little red and the dimples on his face getting wider.</p><p>She pushes him to sit in the pilot’s seat, pulling out two metal cups and a bottle from a cooler she’d stashed underneath a bench earlier in the evening.</p><p>“A new starship AND some wine? Who are you and what you have done with Senator Leia Organa?” Ben teases.</p><p>“Ha – ha.” She allows it, before sitting across from him and schooling herself into something more serious as she pours a bit of the coveted teal Toniray blend into both cups.</p><p>“So does this ship have a name or do I need to come up with something?” He asks, after taking a few small sips, fingers absentmindedly toggling with some of the pilot’s controls.</p><p>“Grimtaash.” Leia says quietly, “I thought to call it Grimtaash.”</p><p>Ben furrows his brow, before remembering: “Like from dejarik? He blinds you with flashing lights, right?”</p><p>“Well yes…but don’t you remember the stories I used to tell you Ben?” he sits up and nods, noticing her becoming a bit more solemn.</p><p>“Ben you’re sixteen now; at your age I had to take part in the Day of Demand and prove myself to be a true heir of Alderaan.”</p><p>“So…I need to come up with three of my own challenges then?” He pouts slightly (unintentionally), and Leia continues on before she sees him retreat unto himself.</p><p>“No, Ben, that's not what I meant. I just…even if Alderaan is gone, some of our people are still out there. You and I are still here.” Leia can feel herself tearing up, but soldiers forward.</p><p>“And Grimtaash…he’s the protector of our line, our family; a figure to guide us and keep House Organa safe in times of struggle and from those who would do us harm. You’re the blood of Alderaan too, Ben; my hope, my heir, maybe not in politics, but in everything else. And I know things have been difficult for you…being away from us for so long –“ her voice shakes, and at this, Ben looks away.</p><p>Leia grabs her son’s hand.  “You’re so brave and strong, Ben. Even if the darkness calls, you still have so much light. I’m proud of you and I just…I only wanted to try and keep you safe, help you control &amp; harness your powers for good. I’m just sorry I wasn’t strong enough to be that for you.”</p><p>“It’s ok, mom,” he mumbles, not meeting her eyes still. “I know.”</p><p>“I heard Luke’s going to start sending you on more adventurous, searching for Jedi artifacts on your own. And I’m so proud to see you growing up, but I’m worried too. I just want to know you’re safe, Ben.” He’s looking at her now, his eyes a mirror of her own and she sends as much love through the Force as she possibly can. “Safe and happy. Grow up, make your own mistakes, forge your own path, fall in love…all of these are challenges enough in this crazy galaxy. I just want the world for you.”</p><p>“Mom –“ he starts, suspiciously choking up and attempting to hide it by taking a rather large sip of wine. Leia allows it, looking down at her own cup &amp; considering how much harder it is trying to convey everything she feels &amp; hopes for the son she carried and birthed sixteen years ago as opposed to the oration she performs in her job every day.</p><p>“I love you, Mom.” He says, eventually – and this, this is Leia’s favorite Ben; not the Jedi-in-training, not senator’s son nor the heir to a dead throne. Just her little boy, who is all of that and none of it and yet still more.</p><p>When they emerge from the hanger (is it hours? or less?) later, their hearts are lighter. Leia suggests venturing to a long-favored diner for breakfast (O<em>ne last splurge before you go back to Temple food and I know for a fact that Luke is not the best cook!</em>). Ben proposes a game of lizard-toad-snake as they walk back to the house, in hopes of avoiding having to be the one to wake up Chewie from his deep sleep. (He loses, as always, even after Leia acquiesces to his disgruntled demands for a rematch.)</p><p>Ben’s last day in Chandrila ends up being perfect; Leia treasures it in her soul even when it hurts thirteen years later.
</p><p> </p><p>=======</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Story, mama, story!”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>A long time ago…in a galaxy far, far away…there was a planet of beauty.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>There was no moon above this planet, but that did not diminish the beauty within. It was covered in mountains so tall and lakes so wide; its fields and cities produced the best fruits and wine and cheese and honey. Its forests were filled with trees as old as time and were home to all kinds of animals that you could dream of. And its people were fierce and proud but also kind; they were ruled by a queen, who was also fierce and proud and kind.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>The Queen was married to a man – a gentle man, but a just one who represented their planet in dealings with others. Both of them were busy &amp; happy with each other, ruling and guiding their people. The Queen and her husband loved each other dearly; but for some reason, were not blessed with any children. They prayed and wished and tried every piece of advice from their Elders and their doctors; but no children were to be. Maybe it was for the best – even though their planet was beautiful and safe, the rest of the galaxy was at war. Their friends from other planets were being hurt, and the queen &amp; her husband wanted to help but had to also protect their own people.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>One day, when all hope seemed lost across the galaxy, the queen’s husband brought home a baby girl. The Queen fell in love with her at first sight, and both swore they’d raise &amp; adore her as their own. The little princess was their hope, even when she grew older and made mistakes with her rebellious heart.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>After several years, a great evil that had been growing in the galaxy turned its eyes towards the planet of beauty. The princess tried her best to keep her people safe, but she was not strong enough to stop the destruction. For years, she focused on defeating the great evil and bringing back peace to the galaxy, with the help of new friends.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>But no matter what, she never forgot her roots and tried to be as just and gentle and fierce and kind as her parents were and taught her to be. So when the princess grew up and married a brave smuggler, she had a son of her own and named him for someone who had been her hope…in memory of her planet and family.
</em>
</p><p> </p><p>=======</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Tell me the truth, mother.</em>
</p><p>He’ll sigh, seven years later, long face bathed blue in the light of the hologram projecting onto her screen. He purses his lips in that singular way, looking like he’s attempting to swallow his tongue, emotions &amp; thoughts too overwhelming, choking their way up his throat. (It was a habit always secretly endearing yet something that her own royal patrician upbringing - <em>there’s the Princess!</em> Han would crow – attempted to curb while he was growing up.)</p><p>Her career in the Senate is over; all those years of hard work and cultivation, hoping to guide the galaxy on a better path away from the mistakes of the past now tainted by Vader come to light.</p><p>(<em>Anakin Skywalker</em>, Luke would remind her. But to her, there was no difference; Anakin &amp; Vader, one and the same; one final good deed would not change the horrors of before.)</p><p>But now is not the time to focus on the way she was ousted out of the political circle on Hosnian Prime; she is still Leia Organa and there will always be a cause for her to fight for. It’s only now, looking at her son (<em>technically a man now but kriff still just a child</em>), that she realizes the biggest sin might be her own.</p><p><em>I tried, I wanted to tell you on my own time in person once you were older, </em>she tries, at first. Then: <em>It doesn’t matter, Ben! </em>and there they go back and forth, the stubborn accusing gaze on her son’s (Skywalker-Organa-Solo) face a reflection of her own mistakes but <em>why do my biological parents have to matter when I’m the blood of Alderaan and so are YOU but Alderaan is no more and Vader! Vader stood by my side watching it explode &amp; my real parents are gone! I know Bail and Breha would’ve loved you so much and made better choices than a murderer who ruined the galaxy!</em></p><p>(She’ll regret that last part, later. Maybe not initially, when the messages come, in the chaos shortly after, when the new Temple is destroyed and her twin brother is a void in the Force and her son remains missing in the vast galaxy. But later, when Kylo Ren stalks across the galaxy with a mutilated crimson saber, she remembers.)</p><p>Ben remains strangely quiet in the face of her enraged desperation (not at him, never at him, just to make him understand…this was never how she wanted it to go).</p><p>
  <em>If it didn’t matter, why didn’t you just tell me?</em>
</p><p>(It’s the last time Leia sees her son’s face and the last words she hears him speak without a mask.)
</p><p> </p><p>=======</p><p> </p><p>“Tell me a story, Ben,” a young woman whisper-demands, sweat finally drying cool on their naked bodies in the night air, the quiet sounds of nature more noticeable in the aftermath of shared pleasure.</p><p>Sometimes, Rey gets like this. He knows (from her mind and the bond yes, but also just from the blossoming day-to-day conversations with her) that she never had anyone to tell her stories regularly growing up, not the way he did. The pieces of scavenger gossip and hand-me-down smuggler’s myths in Niima Outpost were coveted bites for a little starving desert girl’s ears, but they couldn’t compare to the delicacies that she longed for - of nighttime stories crooned to a child out of pure love.</p><p>By now, Rey’s heard stories both grand and simple from all sorts of species across different planets &amp; starships. Figures like Luke Skywalker and Han Solo are less myth than realities, some from her own lived experiences just a few short years ago and others through shared vivid memories of calloused hands placing a pair of golden dice in his own or the calm voice of an uncle guiding nephew through those first tentative lightsaber forms.</p><p>This night, Ben breathes in and thinks of someone else; the haunting tune of <em>Mirrorbright</em>, learning the language of braids as dainty fingers swept pinned his strands, his first bright sip of priceless Toniray, the feeling of flying his very own ship for the first time, and the hazy memory of arms wrapping around his chubby toddler body.</p><p>“You know one of the creatures you can play with in dejarik? The Grimtaash? Well…it’s actually a figure from Alderaanian myth…”</p><p>And once Rey nods against his chest, he begins properly: “A long time ago…in a galaxy far, far away…”</p><p> </p><p>(<em>Who are you? </em>the little boy giggles, never tired of the joke, squirming in his attempts to turn himself around and give his mama a kiss.</p><p>She presses a raspberry to his cheek and grins back. <em>Someone who loves you.)</em></p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>This was not meant to be a story maligning Leia in any way (I REALLY hope that didn’t come across; let me know if it didn't work!). Mothers in Star Wars (rather: the lack of them, or the consistently tragic circumstances with their kids I guess) is something I feel so DEEPLY about. </p><p>I relate to Ben and Leia a lot. I’m not a parent (yet), but I’m super close to my mom. There’s so much love there, but also a lot of baggage &amp; weight of familial/societal expectations and miscommunications that took lots of effort on both our ends to work through several years ago. Sometimes, people may not be the “best” parents or deal with their kids in the best way (in hindsight) while still being…really great &amp; kind people? The lines can be grey. </p><p>I based on some of the tidbits we got from ancillary SW media (including interviews with Adam Driver &amp; our late dearly beloved Carrie Fisher) as well as wanting to explore this idea of Star Wars (/ The Skywalker Saga) as "myth" or a tale told even within it's own universe, stories being passed on between loved ones.</p></blockquote></div></div>
</body>
</html>